Cold Call (again)

Me: Hello?

Caller: Hello Sir, my name is David from XYZ Kitchens LTD, I'm calling because you had a quote for a kitchen from one of our sister companies some time ago.

Me: Okay?

Caller: Well we'd just like to find out if you went ahead with that quote.

Me: Okay?

Caller: Well, did you go ahead with that quote, Sir?

Me: What quote?

Caller: You had a quote from our sister company about a kitchen, Sir.

Me: What's wrong with the kitchen?

Caller: You had a quote for a kitchen, Sir, did you go ahead with it?

Me: From your sister company?

Caller: Yes, Sir.

Me: And you don't know whether I went ahead with it?

Caller: That's what I'm calling to find out, Sir. Did you go ahead with it?

Me: With what?

Caller: The quote, Sir.

Me: What quote?

Caller: For the kitchen.

Me: Why, what's wrong with my kitchen?

Caller: I don't know Sir - you requested a quote for a kitchen.

Me: What kitchen?

Caller: You don't have a kitchen?

Me: Yes.

Caller: And you want a new one?

Me: No, we had a a new one some time ago.

Caller: You already have a new kitchen?

Me: Yes - it's downstairs.

Caller: So you went ahead with the quote?

Me: No.

Caller: But you do have a new kitchen?

Me: Yes

Caller: So they didn't fit it for you?

Me: No - I fitted it myself.

Caller: Sorry Sir - do you want a new kitchen?

Me: No.

Caller: (click)

Should I be proud of this?

Your results:
You are Geordi LaForge

Geordi LaForge 75% Deanna Troi 60% James T. Kirk (Captain) 60% An Expendable Character (Redshirt) 55% Beverly Crusher 50% Will Riker 50% Jean-Luc Picard 45% Uhura 40% Chekov 40% Mr. Scott 40% Spock 32% Data 32% Leonard McCoy (Bones) 30% Worf 25% Mr. Sulu 5%

You work well with others and often fix problems quickly. Your romantic relationships are often bungled.

Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Quiz

Actual Customer Service?

Crickey - I just had a good customer service experience! I broke the catch on our bin in the kitchen. I called up the manufacturer to order a replacement. I'm going to plug them - it was a Simplehuman "Rectangular Softtouch" bin.

• There was no automated queue system.
• I got straight through to the actual person within 4 rings.
• She simply asked what model it was and for my address, and will post one to me straight away.
• No questions asked, no charge, no postage fee, nothing.
  

Brilliant. If only they were all like that.

Hello again

Thought I'd introduce myself. My name is Neil Barnwell, and I'm a software developer in the midlands. I'm doing this because I have a Flickr account under my alter-ego of Shipcreak that I'd like to get around more, and I don't see any reason for this blog to be anonymous any more.

I may well post here occasionally, and I do post on my other blog occasionally.

Here's that Flickr account, in case you're interested: http://www.flickr.com/photos/shipcreak/

See you soon, here's a little something to be going on with:

Hey diddle diddle,
the cat did a piddle,
The cow was over the moon,
I laughed so hard I peed my pants,
and ate another mushroom.

Unwrap and zap - Unravelling the myth of the Wetherspoon Dinner

My wife and I went into a Wetherspoons a few months back after doing some shopping, intent on feeding our faces. I always quite liked dinners there - the lamb and fudge cake being my favourite dishes.

On this occasion, however, we decided we wanted the mixed grill. I went up and paid (in advance, which is how they do things in there) and sat back down.

Some minutes later, The Lad walks over and asks:

"Did someone order a mixed grill?"

"Yes, that was us" I replied.

"Ahh, I'm sorry Sir, but we're out of mixed grills at the moment".

I sounded surprised.

"Oh, really? Well, what are you missing?"

"Sorry, Sir?"

"Well, is it steak or sausages or chicken that you've run out of? We could have extra of something else to make up for it."

"Ahh, no Sir. We are out of mixed grills."

"What, you mean they're pre-packaged and you just microwave them?"

"'Pre-served, Sir".

"Oh, I see."

He pointed out a dish or two that they did have "in stock", and we ate. It was a miserable dinner. I used to love eating there, but that dinner put me off for life. The meat was dry, the veggies were made of damp paper, and the usually delicious pudding did little to make up for it.

So, who's up for a McDonalds?...

Hot Tip 10

Don't squat with your spurs on.

We Love Each Other: Angry Chimp Tribute

It's not the greatest blog in the world, it's just a tribute to one that could be.



Tony Blair and George W. Bush

Tony: He’s, um, y’know, a good bloke. He, sort’ve, y’know, know’s what he’s doing. I’m totally confident that our partnership is a great asset to us both. He makes a great cup of coffee and his house is really nice. Are we, y’know, off the record now? Oh great, it kills me to, y’know, kiss his arse all the time like this. Well, not for much longer now. It’s Gordy’s problem from now on. Wanker.

George: Wha? Sorry, Ton…? Oh. Yeah, he’s real swell. He’s a little stiff an’ his golf ain’t all that, but he’s bin a useful alloy in I-rack. Say, he’s the guy with that freaky smile, ain’ he?

More Cold Calling

About a year ago we bought a laptop off of Dell. I always opt out of the expensive and often unnecessary extended warranty. A couple of months later I had this call (this is the edited version for sanity's sake):

Me: Hello?
Caller: Hello sir, my name is Jim, I'm calling from Dell. You purchased a laptop from us recently, yes?
Me: Umm, yes.
Caller: I notice you did not purchase the extended warranty, Sir?
Me: No.
Caller: Well I'd like to take this opportunity to inform you of our best ever offer on extended warranties. For only £108 you get three years cover.
Me: Three years? I've only just bought it - why would I need a warranty? If it breaks I'll send it back regardless.
Caller: Well this covers you against all sorts.
Me: All sorts? It's brand new - what's going to go wrong with it?
Caller: Well, in case a button falls off or something.
Me: A BUTTON'S GOING TO FALL OFF!?!
Caller: Nonono, I'm saying that as an example, that's all.
Me: But you just said a button was going to fall off!
Caller: I was just saying that it's piece of mind.
Me: PIECE OF MIND!! I had piece of mind until you phoned me ten minutes ago and told me a button was going to fall off!!



Me: Look, where are you from again?
Caller: Glasgow.
Me: Glasgow? I was in Glasgow last year. What's the weather like up there?
Caller: It's okay, not raining too much.
Me: Yeah, same here - quite nice actually.
Caller: Look, do you want the warranty or not, Sir?
Me: No, I do not.
Caller: Goodbye, Sir.
Me: Goodbye.


True story, as best as I can remember it.

True friendship is...

...farting before you get in the car.

Cold Calling Techniques 101

This is a genuine call I just had only 3 minutes ago:

Her: Hello it's June from amber, are you the homeowner?
Me: Where are you from?
Her: Amber.
Me: What do they do?
Her: Windows, you called us 3-4 months back about windows?
Me: No, I didn't.
Her: Maybe a patio door or a conservatory for the future?
Me: You're just calling me on the off-chance, aren't you?
Her: (sheepishly) Yeah.
Me: Goodbybe then, and don't call here again.
Her: Bye.

Blogger.com Upgrade?

So, has anyone upgraded to the new version of blogger.com? I know Sniffy has, and she had a spot of trouble (although this appears to be because she crossed the streams and imported stuff into wordpress...).

I'd still quite like to go for it, anyone got anything to add?

Politicians of the Future

What will politicians be like in 40 years? Personally I'm not looking forward to the ASBO generation looking after the country I live in.

When I was at school, I'm pretty sure I had respect for teachers, kids older than me, and even prefects. I got a strong sense of discipline from my parents, who I think did a pretty good job of bringing me up, and knew I'd get into trouble if I did something wrong. A theory I often proved to be true.

I have developed a slightly over-confident cockyness that has got me into trouble on more than one occasion, but as a young schoolboy I didn't swear at teachers and tried to be invisible around the Bigger Kids.

So imagine my surprise when I became one of the Bigger Kids and found myself and my peers, and all adults (including teachers) to be the target of much piss-taking and disrespect.

Imagine my even greater surprise when a teacher from another class ran into my a-level french class, tears streaming down her face, distraught and unable to control her 13 year old students. They were swearing at her, ignoring her requests (and at some point screams) to get in line. They completely broke her. Soon after she left and went back to her home country of Canada, where apparently she didn't have these problems.

Now I don't like to tar all kids with the same "ignorant little bastard" brush, as they're not all that bad (except the little shit that stole the badge off my car), but what will the country be like when this new generation is running: our banks, our shopping centres and superstores and our government?

<gulp>